(satire) A reader sends in this gem from the Onion‘s 2006 edition, when the DPRK tested their first nuclear device:
A press release issued by the state-run Korean Central News Agency Monday confirmed that the Oct. 9 underground nuclear test in North Korea’s Yanggang province successfully exploded the communist nation’s total gross domestic product for the past four decades.
“This is a grand day for the Democratic Peoples Republic Of Korea, whose citizens have sacrificed their wages, their food, and their lives so that our great nation could test a nuclear weapon thousands of feet beneath our own soil,” read an excerpt from the statement. “Now the rest of the world must stand up and take notice that the DPRK, too, is capable of decimating years of its wealth at any given moment.”
North Korea’s announcement would appear to support the CIA’s intelligence information on the blast. According to the CIA, over 500 tons of compressed purchasing power, the equivalent of 40 years of goods and services produced by the impoverished country, vaporized in 560 billionths of one second. The device consumed 15 years of peasant wages’ worth of uranium, two decades of agricultural- and fishery-export profits’ worth for its above-ground emplacement tower, and the lifetime earnings of the entire workforce of the Kilchu fish-canning factory for tungsten/carbide-steel bomb casings.
“A nuclear device that size explodes with the force of 10 to 15 tons of TNT, or a moderately sized economic boom,” said Ronald Shimokawa, a physicist at Los Alamos National Laboratory. “The detonation most likely sent the burning, liquified remains of North Korea’s economy deep into the Earth’s core.”
Here are some previous posts from the Onion: The DPRK’s space program, Kim’s health.
Read the full story here:
N. Korea Detonates 40 Years Of GDP
The Onion
10/18/2006
